Westboro Goes Too Deep
by YFIQ
Summary: "As Above, So Below" fanfiction featuring the members of the certain church from Kansas. After suffering from a public humiliation due to it's ill-advised endorsement deal with "Sasson", five members decides to head to France to help get themselves back on track. But then they went into the famous catacombs in Paris and their lives would change forever.
1. Oooh La La!

**_Author's Note:_ Based off from what I saw on the trailer of "As Above, So Below" so the story may be slightly inaccurate but overall, I don't think it'll be that far off, so enjoy!**

It all began back in 2012 when the pastor of a notorious church known as "Westboro Baptist Church" signed up for an endorsement deal with _Sasson_ in hopes of receiving extra exposure so the membership of the church would increase. What he didn't realize is that _Sasson_ is a designer brand of tight jeans, most infamous for the commercials from the late 1970s featuring the members of the New York Rangers. Needless to say, there's a reason why the Rangers became laughingstocks in the 1980s and the fact that the reputation of a hockey legend, Phil Esposito was never the same.

With that said, you can guess how the whole thing worked out with the WBC, leading to the excommunication of the pastor who would never recover from the shock of what he had done.

Time would pass and while the public have forgotten the commercials have existed, the church still reels from the public humiliation it had endured. As a result, some of the members of the church decides to take some time off in order to find themselves before resuming their usual deeds of protesting funerals, their favorite past time for the past decades.

Little do they know, by the end of the vacation, they would be short of few members due to a supernatural occurrence.

It all happened during the Summer of 2014 when five members traveled to France because of the country's reputation a decade ago as an anti-America nation. They felt that by visiting France, it'll help reinvigorate their anti-American sentiments so that they'll have enough energy and motivation to go back and resume their usual activities.

At least that was the plan, the problem is that the fad have already ended years ago as people in the U.S. weren't as supportive of the war as they were that time. Also the hype regarding the French was overblown by the media to a ridiculous degree and Jacque Chirac was no longer the president to top it off. The members of the WBC didn't learn the truth although they did begin to suspect something was up when the background didn't look as anti-American as they had hoped. Not only that, the place looked a bit too flamboyant.

To make the matters worse, the accents also unnerved the five.

"Sweet Jesus, we're in a nation of fags!" Shirley yelped.

"What are we going to do? We just got off the plane and our next flight won't be until tomorrow!" said Earl.

"I know what we should do...let's take cover in a place where those fags won't do anything to us, because they won't be able to find us!" said Stan.

"That's a good idea, let's book the flight for tomorrow and we'll hide out until then." said Shirley.

"Speaking of which, where is Ted and Patty?"

"Keith is looking for a place to log in as he couldn't live without spreading our message against fags over the internet while Patty is looking for the restroom." said Stan.

"Oh."

The three would wait hours until Keith and Patty returns to the group where they would be informed of the plan to hideout for a day until the plane would be ready to take them back to the country they hated for "supporting fags" and all that jazz, the United States.

After Keith booked the flight back to the United States, the group went to look for a place to hide as they couldn't trust hotels as they could be filled with fags waiting to ambush them. This mindset would make it difficult for the group to find help as they were fearful of the people living in the country due to the accent until they come across a line heading toward an entrance. Curious, the group went to check out the entrance and saw a that it seems to be a hall that leads down to something, like a tunnel of some sort.

Before they could take a closer look, the bouncer shoo them away and that's when Earl came up with a brilliant idea.

"I have a brilliant idea!" he said.

"What?"

"Don't you see? I heard there's a underground ruins in this city and if this entrance is what I think it is, we can hide out there for the night so the fags won't be able to get us!" Earl exclaimed.

"But there are many of these people lining up, how can we be able to hide from fags?" Shirley asked.

"Believe me, the ruins are huge, we just need to pick the right spot and everything will be fine." was the answer.

"Shouldn't we get a ticket for this?" asked Stan.

Earl then grins and said, "Don't worry, I have a plan that can get us in no matter what."

Later that night, as the five lined up for the tour in the ruins and it didn't take long for them to make their way toward the entrance. As soon as the bouncer said something in French, Earl gave a nod and soon, all five made a break for it as they darts into the entrance. The bouncer gave a chase at first, but after losing them, he realizes that if his employers learns that he let this happen for the third time this week, this could be it for him. Defeated, the bouncer returns to the entrance and decides to forget that this have ever happened.

Meanwhile in the corridor, the five members of the WBC runs into the catacombs where they became amazed by the site they have seen. Surely this is the place where they would hide for the night right?

However, upon taking a closer look...

"Earl, are you sure about this? The walls were decorated with skulls...I think this place was run by Satanists." said Shirley.

"Yeah but still, think about it, would you rather let these people touch you or spend a night with dead Satanic skulls?" reasoned Stan.

"Good point, let's just find the furthest and most remote place to stop until morning, anyone have a watch ready?"

"Yes, it's like 7:37 right now, we'll have to wait until noon just to be safe as our flight will arrive at 3:45 tomorrow." Stan answered.

Earl nods and said, "Just to make sure that we won't turn queers by accident, we should split up and find our own resting spot, we'll meet up in this spot tomorrow at 10:30."

The group then splits up and each of the five begins to look for the spot to rest.

Shirley made her way into a seemingly empty hall where she heard footsteps.

The woman turns to see who it was but no one's there.

Just as the homophobic woman was ready to continue, she felt a chill blowing right behind her.

"Who are you? Earl, is that you?" she yelled.

There was no answer.

"Whoever you are, you better stay away as god is on my side and you will go to hell to burn along with the rest of the fags!" she threatened.

But then, someone taps her on the shoulder and Shirley turns to look, but on one's there. After that, someone taps her on the should once again, causing Shirley to turn once again with the same result.

What's going on here?

Suddenly, a cloaked figure appears and slams Shirley's head against the wall, muffling her scream at the same time. Slowly, the woman's head begins to sink into the wall as her muffled scream begins to fade.

Once it's over, the cloaked figure let go of the skull that is now embedded in the wall.

Several minutes later, couple of teenagers comes across the embedded skull and out of boredom, draws a mustache on the skull.

"Dude, if we can get a red wig and put it on the skull, it'll be called Skully, get it?"

"Lol!"

"I see dead people!"

"I know right?"

The teenagers then laughed.


	2. Never had it, never will!

Earl discover a room filled with a pile of skeletons and begins to dig them out to create a space for himself to sit down on.

"I sure hope these ain't bones of fags, but right now I should be safe, far from the living fags to try to have their way with me while I sleep." he thought.

After lying down, Earl begins to fall into a deep sleep and soon, the holier than thou member of the WBC finds himself in a unfamiliar setting. The surrounding seems depressing and Earl notices how the area looks somewhat...

"This place looks old, and the sinful place...bars..."

Then he notices a sign that reads, "Welcome to New Orleans!"

New Orleans? Last he remembered, he was resting in the catacombs in France!

What is he doing in a place that have been punished by God as an example for the nation's support of fags?

Then Earl realize that he's in a dream so he pinched himself, but nothing happened.

"Wait a minute, this can't be!"

He then pinches himself again with the same result.

Frightened by what happened (whatever that was), Earl runs around the city screaming and even slams his own head onto the wall in hopes of waking himself up to no avail. All seems hopeless when an elderly black man comes in and said, "Are you all right?"

Earl shakes his head and asked, "Are you a homosexual?"

The elderly man gave a confused look on his face and answers, "No, what give you that idea?"

"Nothing, just asking." said Earl.

"Maybe you are the homosexual since you asked me that question out of nowhere." the elderly man replied.

"NO I'M NOT A FAG!" Earl screamed.

"Calm down, I'm just saying since you brought this one up out of the blue."

"Never mind, I just don't like to be associated with...these kind of people."

"Really? That's a bit...forget it, this conversation isn't going to go well if we stay in this topic, so anyway, what is your name?" the elderly man asked.

Earl then sigh and said, "My name is Earl."

Just before he could ask the old man about his name, a somber jazz music begins to play. The two strangers turns to see a band slowly marching out from the block and in time, it turns out the band are followed by a crowd of people dressing in black while a casket is being carried. This surprises Earl as he had never seen a funeral march in New Orleans despite taking part in several funeral protests.

"Whose funeral is this?"

The elderly man turns his head toward Earl and smiles as he pulls out a switch blade.

"Yours."

The old man then stabs Earl in the side and not long after, the member of the WBC stumbles into the street in pain right in front of the funeral march. The people carrying the casket then heads toward Earls and places it onto him before picking it right back up. With the casket now containing the body, the funeral band change their tune to _Rock Around The Clock_ by Bill Haley and the marchers begins to dance in celebration.

Meanwhile, over 40 years later and in the underground catacombs of Paris, Patty was hoping to find a restroom somewhere in the underground tourist attraction, only to realize that she got herself lost.

Patty was never much of a WBC fanatic, she only joined because many people she knew were members of the church and seen it as a popular thing to do at the time. Despite knowing little of what the purpose of their IRL trolling is, Patty took pride in taking part in demeaning demonstrations that led to them being reviled by many which unfortunately led to media coverage and fanfics.

At one point, Patty would even take things further just so she could impress her brethren by going as far as defecating on Freddie Mercury's grave. Even recently, in hopes of helping WBC to "regain credibility" since the Sasson fiasco by sending insulting e-mails toward Robin Williams' family members for starring in _The Birdcage_ in 1996.

Just as she was heading toward a hallway that seems to lead to one of many rooms, a cloaked figure appears.

"Uh...who are you?" she asked.

The mysterious figure didn't answer.

"Whoever you are, stay back or I'll call the police!"

The cloaked figure then begins to move slowly toward her.

"Stay back, I'm not scared of you!"

Patty then summons enough courage to try to attack the cloaked figured, yanking the cloak right off to reveal a menacing black man in a voodoo ritual garment with a half painted face, it's Baron Samedi!

However, Patty have idea who he is.

As far as she knows, he's black and that's enough for her to try to run, only to slip on a discarded _7 UP_ bottle, causing her to fall and black out from the impact. After waking up, Patty found herself tied up while Baron Samedi makes his ritualistic dance, carrying a venomous snake. Once the woman's eyes begins to come around, she notice that they're not in the catacombs anymore, in fact...they're in the tropical setting.

What happened?

Patty was too confused and frightened to say anything as the black man begins to move toward her while carrying a giant snake.

As the tension of the ritualistic music begins to rise, Baron Samedi laughs as he circles around the woman just before holding the serpent close enough to her neck that it bits her.

However, Patty died from fright before the venom begins to take effect.

Around the same time, the fifth member of the party, Keith was looking for any sightseers to terrorize as he figures that it would be the best way to kill time rather than having to waste it from sleeping in a dirty room filled with dusty bones.

Besides, scaring people is fun.

"This is even better than pissing people off on YouTube comments." he thought.

After picking up a skull, Keith went to seek out more unsuspecting victims to throw the object to for laughs when he notice a room with a bright orange light emitting. Not only that, as he crept closer to the room, it felt much warmer as well.

"I smell something burning." said Keith.

He then enters the room and to his surprise, there's a burning car right in front of him!

"What the fuck?"

What is it doing here? More importantly, why did somebody torched a perfectly good car?

Then the third question struck Keith like a hundred pound dumb bell thrown by a body builder.

Why does this car looked somewhat like the one had had before the accident?

Come to think of it, his car was destroyed in the accident in the same exact manner, aside from being inside the underground catacombs and all.

That's when Keith saw something that would jog his memory, an elderly homeless man appears inside the windshield, looking right directly at him.

"Wait a minute...I know you...I killed you!"

A year before, Keith was having a joy ride a month before his induction into the WBC. As it happened, he saw a homeless man standing on the sidewalk so with that, Keith slows down and stops, motioning the person to go ahead.

By the time the homeless made halfway across the street, Keith then steps on the gas pedal and hits the guy.

"Hahahahaha, suck on that!" he yelled.

But then he crashed the car into the nearby gas station.

Luckily for Keith, he was able to get out of the car in time before the gas leak made its way to the car as the sparks from the engine were shooting in every direction. Seconds afterward, the vehicle burst into flames and explodes, in time leading to an even larger explosion several minutes later, taking out the tire block, killing the gas attendant who fell asleep with his _Walkman_ on at the time.

The were no witnesses so Keith was able to get away safely without the car he stole.

After staring at the burning car, Keith tries to away but suddenly, he was sucked into the vehicle and finds himself trapped inside as the homeless man he had killed said, "Now it's the three of us."

"Three?"

The gas station attendant got up and said, "That's right, now with the three of us together..." as he inserts the cassette into the car radio.

_Young man, there's no need to feel down._  
_ I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground._  
_ I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town_  
_ There's no need to be unhappy._

Keith reaches for the handle, only for it to disappear just as he touches it.

"HELP!"

"HEEEEEEELP!"

However, nobody was there to hear him scream as the homeless man and the gas station attendant vanished into thin air. After opening his eyes, Keith finds himself all alone as the music have stopped as well.

But he's still trapped inside the flaming car and soon, the radio begins to play another song...

_Me mind on fire, me soul on fire..._

_Feeling hot, hot, hot! _

"OH GOD, THIS SONG IS GAYER THAN THE OTHER ONE!"


	3. Trapped in the bottom

Ted wonders where he is while wandering in the dark corridor with nothing but the sound of water dripping from a distance. While he was looking for a remote place to rest, after spending an hour or so exploring in the empty part of the catacombs, loneliness begins to set in. When loneliness sets in the case of Ted, he would hallucinate...that's when things becomes interesting for our friend here.

"Who are you?" Ted demanded.

A giant anamorphic pound cake who happens to be standing right in front of Ted said nothing.

"Answer me damn you!"

The cake remained silent.

"So you think you're a tough guy huh? How about we'll see how tough you really are!" said Ted as he drops back and raise up his fists.

"You want a piece of me?"

Suddenly, the anamorphic pound cake flips off Ted before transforming into a giant Twinkie, making a screeching noise as the sponge cake begins to bob its head up and down.

Having no time for this, Ted punched the sponge cake and soon, the cake bends its head toward the man and fires a white cream filling all over his body. Ted attempts to fight his way through the sticky white substance, only to have more being squirted right into his face.

As Ted attempts to struggle, couple of tourists discovers him struggling on the ground.

"What's with him? It's like he's spazzing out or something." one said.

"He must have been trying out that miming technique...and he didn't seem good at it." said the other.

"We should go, after all, remember our last encounter with someone like that?"

"I know, let's get out of here!"

After the two left, Ted soon find himself tied up by a metal rope with Jason Vorhees walking toward him with a machete.

"No, no, stay away...I'm warning you! STAY AWAY!"

As soon as Jason swung his machete toward his victim, he suddenly vanished and soon, Ted finds himself alone once again.

After he got up, Ted begins to wonder what just happened when a cloaked figure with a Caribbean accent appears and said, "Welcome to your permanent nightmare as you and your friends will stay here for eternity!"

Alarmed, Ted raises his fists and said, "Who are you and what the fuck are you talking about?"

The cloaked figure then pulls back his hood, revealing himself as a bald headed black man with half of his face painted white, it's Baron Samedi!

Baron Samedi laughed and said, "You my boy will soon learn what you people have gotten themselves into, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ted picks up a rock and begins to start bashing it against Baron Samedi's head, easily shattering parts of it before the figure disappears, leaving behind the black cloak.

"What the...he just disappeared!"

"What's going on here?"

Just as he got up, Baron Samedi appears right next to him, this time wearing a top hat with the upper part of his face painted with a skull. This freaks out Ted as he tries to make a run for it, but when he did so, it seems as if he have been running in circles despite being sure that he have been running in a straight line. Each time he enters other corridor, it turns out to be the same corridor as before with Baron Samedi standing there looking amused.

The seemingly endless cycle of torment would end when Ted accidentally bumped into something, knocking himself backward. Soon, a flash light was turned on and as Ted took a closer look, a familiar face took him by surprise.

However, the person recognize Ted as well.

"Hey, I know you...you're the guy who insulted me and called me a faggot at the autograph signing!" said the bald man in a thick accent.

"You, you're the bald fag I made fun back in 2010 because of what happened! Even if I am glad to see someone who isn't a demonic weirdo, still I stand by what I said about you loser! Ha, headbutting the dude in that game? What are you going to do? Headbutt me?"

A former sports star glares and said, "We'll see about that!" right before beating up Ted, breaking every bones in his body, crippling him.

Ted moans in pain as the former athlete then turns into a giant chicken and proceeds to peck him to death. In the ensuing weeks, Ted's remains would be slowly eaten away by a pack of rats that infests the catacombs.

Meanwhile, back inside the flaming car, Keith struggles to keep his sanity intact as the song playing inside the vehicle continues to torment him. The particular song in question is _Livin' La Vida Loca_ by Ricky Martin.

Keith tries to kill himself by stabbing himself with any sharp objects he could find, not realizing that he have been granted immortality. He would remain trapped inside the invisible flaming car for the rest of the eternity.


End file.
